Mixing what makes me happy

For years and years of my adult life, I was stumped about how my mom could create amazing meals out of what seemed like random things in the pantry. I mean, sure, for special occasions she'd get out some cookbook and follow a recipe, but on a day-to-day basis, it was either a standby meal that she made frequently or a new creation of odds and ends we had in the pantry. When I began making my own meals, I could never figure out how she always ended up with these great things on hand. My method was basically going to the store with exact ingredients in mind for a particular meal or meals. I'd usually throw in some of those things that never go bad, like frozen corn, to have in an emergency situation where I didn't have time to go to the store. This style was great when I lived in Oregon, with a small grocery in my backyard. What sounded good for dinner? Ok, now off to buy those food items.

So years later, I think I might have figured it out. Tonight, I made one of the best curries I have ever made. I often have coconut milk and red curry paste on hand because, well, they don't go bad, and I then I just have to go buy the veggies to go in it. I got my CSA box yesterday (my 3rd box since starting, and this one was by far the best - it's like they read my mind about what fruits and vegetables I like), and so I thought, "maybe I'll just throw some veggies into a curry." However, my curries usually have more "Asian" style veggies in them. You know, since I usually buy them with the specific intention to make a curry. Anyway, these were definitely not typical curry vegetables, but I just thought, "eh, whatever. I like these vegetables, and I like curry, so it could work."

BINGO. That's what I've been messing up this whole time. I keep trying to create meals that "make sense" in some organized way. I overthink what goes together and what matches or doesn't match instead of just thinking about what I like and throwing it all together. I'm not positive this was my mom's method, but I am thinking that it works. So I made this curry tonight. Yellow patty pan squash, green beans, red onion, orange bell pepper, coconut milk, red curry paste, fish sauce, tumeric, garlic powder, ginger, dash of cinnamon. Some of those last spices started to get random, but it was awesome. Seriously one of the best curries that I've made. I'm not 100% sold on the green beans in a curry, but it was still good.

So I started thinking about this and my overthinking problem (yeah yeah, I was thinking about thinking... There is a word for that, you know, so I'm not the only one!). And my perfectionism. I want everything to be just right, and I think that's part of my problem. I was talking about this with my mom regarding interior decorating. I was getting frustrated with the fact that my apartment looks great, yet not amazing. I feel as though it's still boring in some way. It's the same problem. Everything in my apartment is meant to "go" with a particular aesthetic. It's an aesthetic that I love, but the overall effect is a little too "matchy" and not enough personality. So my mom and I had decided that from here on out - I will just get things that I like, regardless of how it "goes" with my current decor. First step in that direction was the purchase of this Florence & The Machine concert poster, which I love. I actually am really happy with how it is going to work with the rest of my office, too. (My newly reupholstered chair and ottoman should be finished sometime next week!)

Tonight I spent the evening writing a grant proposal. A Friday night. And I loved every minute of it. I don't care what I "should" be doing with my Friday night - being social, getting a drink somewhere, at least doing something leisurely like watch a movie. But the grant writing is fun to me (please no nerd comments...), so I don't care.

One last way I'm incorporating this mentality of "if I like it, do it" into my life is applying for a fellowship in Germany for next year. Some people have been like, "whoa, are you sure?" And I am. Is it the perfect next step in some grand planned out and orchestrated career? Nope. But the grand and orchestrated career plan hasn't been making me completely happy. Parts of it have, for sure. (I edited a grant proposal at the pool today - not a lot of other jobs have that flexibility...) But I'm just sick of plans and zeitgeists that I have to follow.

So if you see me walking around with totally mismatched clothes anytime soon - just know it's cause I really liked that shirt AND I really liked those pants and somehow decided they should go together just because I said so. Ok...maybe there are some limits...