Fulfilling

My first anorexia patient during internship at UCLA had to be fed via NG tube because of persistent food refusal. She asked for a clinical review to be released from the hospital because she didn't want to be there. She sat silent through our first 3-4 weeks of therapy in effort to derail treatment and just maintain her eating disorder. Her peers on the inpatient unit tried to throw her a 16th birthday party because she was in the hospital. They laughed and danced, and she sat in the corner reading with her hair covering her face.

Yesterday, 3.5 years after I first met her, she sent me a link to her Pinterest page. She is posting recipes for FOOD and awesome inspirational/motivational quotes. And other things that healthy teenage girls do.

I love my job.

Politics

Apologies in advance to those of you who were hoping to see more pictures of my apartment or some story about a concert I saw recently. I did buy a washer and dryer finally, and my most recent purchase was new pillows, sheets, and towels, which is really exciting (and the degree of my excitement definitely makes me feel old).

Instead this post is more in line with the election season. I recently read this quote from Doug Wright, author of Grey Gardens and Tony Award and Pulitzer Prize winner:

I wish my moderate Republican friends would simply be honest. They all say they’re voting for Romney because of his economic policies (tenuous and ill-formed as they are), and that they disagree with him on gay rights. Fine. Then look me in the eye, speak with a level clear voice, and say, “My taxes and take-home pay mean more than your fundamental civil rights, the sanctity of your marriage, your right to visit an ailing spouse in the hospital, your dignity as a citizen of this country, your healthcare, your right to inherit, the mental welfare and emotional well-being of your youth, and your very personhood.”

It’s like voting for George Wallace during the Civil Rights movements, and apologizing for his racism. You’re still complicit. You’re still perpetuating anti-gay legislation and cultural homophobia. You don’t get to walk away clean, because you say you “disagree” with your candidate on these issues.

It really resonated with me, but I felt there was more to be said. I have the echos of many Republican relatives in my head, noting that the economy may very well be more important than civil rights because if our economy collapses, it doesn't matter who is married or not if they cannot afford to live. I could challenge that one directly (civil rights in the face of an ailing economy may be even more important...), but I don't think I even need to. You see, the economy is such a large unknown. So complex and multi-faceted. The way it all plays out is this complicated Rube Goldberg machine with so many pieces to place. The difference is that we can plan out a Rube Goldberg machine to ensure that it flows just right, but there are too many unknowns and uncertainties with the economy. If there was one clear and sure-fire plan, then the best economists in our country would be able to come to an agreement about what is going to get us out of this enormous deficit. That hasn't happened. Some studies say this. Some studies say that. There is no consensus.

That is my problem with putting the economy above civil rights. A Romney presidency would certainly support DOMA and other anti-equality legislature. He has said as much. We know the consequences of this. It means many of my friends will continue to struggle with acceptance of their relationships in our society and will continue to be denied the legal rights to function as a family just as our heterosexual friends do. So we know what the outcome for this basic human right will be if Romney is elected, and it's not good.

The economy, though, is an unknown. I've heard some people say it's going to be bad no matter who wins. I have heard some say it will be better with Romney. I have heard some say it will be better with Obama. The truth is that economic recovery is going to be slow regardless, and there are many paths that may get us there. So if you say you're voting for Romney because of economics and despite his position on gay rights...well, it's even more of a slap in the face than Doug Wright notes. It's not just choosing the economy over the rights and well-being of an entire subset of our population. It's choosing the POSSIBILITY of a better economy over the CERTAINTY of poorer outcome for the rights and well-being of an entire subset of our population.

For me, this is a no-brainer.

San Francisco Apartment - Bedroom & Bathroom

The bedroom and bathroom are probably the most unlike my old apartment. I had been transitioning out of the old traditional hand-me-down furniture that my mom gave me 8 years ago when I graduated from college, but the bedroom set was a tough one to bite the bullet on and sell. It was nice furniture, but just not my style. In the end, I decided that I didn't want it to make the move to San Francisco, and a friend of mine in LA is quite happy about that (since she got the furniture when I left).

I had wanted a canopy bed for quite a while, previously loving a basic black wood frame from Crate & Barrel. But a month or so before I moved, I saw this iron one from Room & Board (Architecture Bed). It was perfect - very straight, basic lines. I bought the bedding a while ago in anticipation of the more modern look. It's all IKEA, so it will probably be updated at some point, but it works for now.

For nightstands, I wanted something unique. I love seeing the varied things that people do to the IKEA Rast dresser, and I wanted to give it a shot. I wouldn't be able to fit one on each side, though, so I focused on one, and then found another table to go on the other side. I didn't want to put too much money into it, so I went with paint, an overlay for some texture, and new knobs. I actually prefer the look of the dresser without knobs at all, but since the Rast drawers are pretty difficult to open without knobs, that wasn't a very functional solution. The other nightstand is a metal table from Urban Outfitters. The price and the size were perfect. The overall feel of the table is just so-so, but it will do for now!

As for the bathroom, I went from a bathroom with tons of cabinet space underneath a long vanity with double sinks to this small cabinet under the sink and no vanity space at all. My mom suggested getting a small IKEA Expedit for extra storage and counter space, and it was a great idea. I still do not have a washer/dryer unit, but I'm on the hunt! I'm also hoping to buy white towels at some point soon! Other than that, the bathroom is done!

IKEA Rast hack next to the bed

With limited closet space, hooks for scarves seemed like the best use of this blank space between the bathroom and sliding doors.

Urban Outfitters metal table on the other side of the bed. And Ava's dog bed.

Shower curtain and rugs from West Elm

San Francisco Apartment - Kitchen

There are two main additions to the kitchen that I'm pretty proud of. First, the IKEA island. I went back and forth about what size and style of island to get, but ended up getting the unfinished Groland island from IKEA. The initial plan was to stain the legs a shade of walnut, but the wood didn't take the stain very well. My mom worked all day on it, and neither of us were happy with the end result. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I didn't like it after she spent so much time and work on it, but by the end of the night, she suggested that we start over and paint the legs instead. So she bought black paint and painted over what she had stained. The final product was a perfect complement to the maple cabinets and black appliances that came with the apartment.

I had sold my old table and chairs before the move, knowing that they were too big for this smaller apartment. But I was happy to realize that a smaller round table and chairs would fit. I found this set on Craigslist for only $200! It's all Room & Board that usually sells for well over $500. She only had 3 chairs, but they are almost identical to the chair I have at my desk, which I will just add to the table if I have more than 2 people over.

San Francisco Apartment - Entry and Living Room

These rooms were just completely finished yesterday and today with some final touches. First, the entry. I knew I wanted to somehow separate the space to make it feel more useful than one large open area. I have seen desks along the backs of sofas before, and it appealed to me for a number of reasons. First, it would allow me to have my desk without taking up wall space. Second, I have always grumbled about not being able to see the TV while I'm on the computer. I multi-task all the time, so having a movie or something on in the background while I am working is nice. I also knew I wanted the IKEA Expedit shelving for this space. I'd been wanting it for a while because I think it's a little easier to style the shelving in the squares than a traditional bookcase. I also knew I would need a little extra storage for files, so the boxes that fit right into the squares were definitely of interest. Finally, the other main piece of furniture in the entry is my dresser. My bedroom is too small for the dresser to fit, and it was originally built by my great-grandfather, so there is no way I was getting rid of it. I did change out the pulls, though, to let it fit a bit better with my overall style. My mom painted an old mirror that I had, I bought the Z Gallerie lamp that I had been loving via Pinterest, and added an old coat rack in the corner that I found on Craigslist. Closet space is not abundant in this apartment, so the coat rack was a needed alternative. The nook by the front door that had been used as storage is still used that way. I replaced the curtains with something darker.

The living room is basically the same as in my old West Hollywood apartment, minus the coffee table, which I had sold prior to the move. And my old (but recently reupholstered) chair and ottoman from my old study has been added to the group. The other major thing about this area (and the entry) is that most of the long wall of the apartment is textured concrete. My landlord does not allow drilling into the concrete, so hanging pictures was a challenge. After experimenting with the adhesive hangers that supposedly hang heavy pictures on concrete (but don't work on texture), I finally came up with a solution. I bought 1x4 and 1x6 pieces of wood, painted them brown, and leaned them against the concrete wall. They make me a little nervous, but at least my pictures are up. I think I might invest in some sandbags or something for the base to secure them a bit more.

Apartment Pictures - Before

So I am FINALLY able to post pictures of my place. It's been a long process of getting things that I need and organizing (read: trashing) things that I had that don't seem to fit in this smaller space. But this weekend, I'm finally finished! I mean, well, finished as much as I will be for the near future. I still need a coffee table, and there are always things on my "wish list" (hello, Eames Lounge that I may never afford). But as a friend recently pointed out, my dog is quite happy having the space in the living room rather than a coffee table, so it can wait. I am also not perfectly happy with the things on top of my dresser nor am I completely satisfied by the side table I bought for one side of the bed. But overall, this is finally a livable space!

In this post, I'll put the move-in pictures of the empty space so you can see what I was working with. I'll go room by room in the next few posts with pictures of the finished product.

The bedroom "closet"

Looking into the bedroom. Sliding doors come from the left. Giant concrete pillar right in the middle.

Bathroom

Laundry hook-ups. I have yet to purchase a washer/dryer.

Bathroom.

Looking into the main living space from the bedroom.

Looking back toward the front door. Makeshift closet to the left of the door.

My awesome view of a yellow wall.

Looking in from the front door.

Kitchen ends on the left side of the picture. Bedroom door and storage  space as seen from the corner of the living room.

House Update

I also realized that my last post was a frustrated one about house hunting. I keep meaning to follow-up with a post about the place I found, but I want to wait until I have pictures of everything all put together and finished. I have a couple of projects that I need to finish up before I can do that, so stay tuned!

Moods

This morning on the train (yes, I now take the train to work everyday, and am feeling very Mad Men about it) I was considering the fact that I would like to stay in bed today instead of coming to work. Next thought, "Jeesh, you used to be such an overachiever...what happened to you, sudden slacker?"

Then the train stopped, and I checked my email as I walked to my office.

Subject line: 2012 Young Investigator Grant.

Emotion: !!! (but uncertainty because I haven't read the body of the email yet).

I got the grant! I applied for this grant almost a year ago. I was supposed to hear back in March, but they kept delaying notification. But today, I found out that I got it! Not feeling so much like a slacker anymore! I've just been having these moments of "can I really pull this whole research career thing off the way I have been so far or am I going to burn out soon?" So moments like these are reassuring. Yes, I can pull this whole research career thing off. I can do this, and I love it.

House Hunt

It's been months since I last posted anything here, and now Blogger is all different. It just took me a full minute to find the "New Post" button. I guess that's my punishment for never writing.

I decided to write tonight, though, because I'm cranky and want to vent. I'm moving to the Bay Area in less than a month, and I do not yet have a place to live. I have moved many times, sometimes to places far away. It has always worked the same way, whether I was there in person or negotiating things over the phone and internet. I find a place. I like the place. I apply to live in the place. They approve me, and I sign a lease. Done. It's always sort of been on a first-come-first-serve basis. Since I was willing to take the leap on a lease first, then I get the place.

Apparently, that's not how it works in San Francisco. Instead, they will take your application and hold it. And hold it. And hold it. They won't tell you that you're not getting the apartment, but they don't let you sign a lease either. When you ask for a timeline, they say things like, "well, we're having another open house on Thursday." Um, why would you need to have another open house, when you have me sitting right here, ready and willing to sign a lease and give you money?! My application says that I am about to start a faculty position at Stanford. It says that I've never been evicted, declared bankruptcy, etc. My landlord's info is all there, so you can obtain proof that I'm a good tenant. Why would you not just go with it and get the place leased? Apparently, they want to have a "pool of applicants" to choose from. Really? Is this a job application? Leasing a home seems sort of like one of those threshold things - you're either a good tenant or you're not. I'm not sure how you choose the best one out of a group of people who all have perfect rental histories. "I'm sorry, you're great credit score is not quite AS high as this other person's great credit score, so I'm going to go with them."

Or maybe it's my dog. Applicant A has a stable job, good credit, clean rental history, and no pets. Applicant B has a stable job, good credit, clean rental history, and a dog. Any landlord is going to pick Applicant A. I understand this perspective in terms of risk for damage to property, noise problems, etc. Even a dog with great references is technically a risk - cause what if someone lied? So I get it. But it still screws me over. "I understand that you are a great tenant, pay your bills on time, keep your home clean and well-maintained, but since you have a dog, you really should just go live in a van by the river..." Or that's what it feels like people are saying.

I currently have 4 applications in on various properties. I've been trying to get an application for a 5th one, but he keeps ignoring my emails. I've never had to put in more than 1 application during home searches before - I just apply to the one I want, get approved, and then I have a home. Not so much anymore. In 3.5 weeks, I will be living in the Bay Area, but I may not be living there in my own home... Anyone have a van by the river I could check out?

2 Random Thoughts

I know I haven't written anything in ages. That's how it goes. So my first post in 2012 is 2 totally random and unrelated thoughts. Again, that's just how it goes...

1. Obama's campaign people just put up a Spotify playlist for the campaign. First, I wonder if our founding fathers ever imagined that being successful in politics would require finding staff who can pick out music with mass appeal for use on the campaign? Second, when they include Ray LaMontagne's "You Are The Best Thing," do they mean that Obama is the best thing in our lives? Or are we the best thing in Obama's life? (Dad, no need to respond to this. I know your answer. ;))

2. I take the bus daily to/from work. I live in Los Angeles. This makes my stress level infinitely better than if I drove. I sit back, relax, read a book or magazine, or just zone out. All while the rest of my city sits in anger about some jackass cutting them off on Sunset Blvd. Despite the clear superiority of bus-riding to driving (in my opinion), it is not without its downsides. My biggest bus pet peeve lately has to do with seat selection. I feel like it's an unwritten rule that you do not choose a seat next to someone unless all other options are taken. So today, when there was a full row of seats in front of me open, and random dude chose to sit right next to me, I was a little peeved. I dealt with it, but it's still annoying. Also annoying? When all rows are taken, so people justifiably begin sitting next to strangers, why do they always have to pick me? I know I'm thin and shower daily, which probably makes me a more desirable seat neighbor than many other bus riders, but ugh. It just feels unfair. Why do I take the bus if I clearly have such issues sharing space with strangers? Well, I guess the pros outweigh the cons. But I can still complain, right?