January 21, 2017
Dear Barton,
Today is an historic day. Hundreds of thousands (millions?)
of people around the world gathered in cities (and small towns) to vocalize
their support of women (and others) in light of the recent election and
inauguration of Donald Trump as the President of the United States. You are
only seven months old right now, so you are blissfully unaware of this entire
situation. But I want you to know about it when you are older so that hopefully
you can learn from it and/or also know where your family stood on these issues.
As you have probably figured out from photos, your dad and I
voted for Hillary Clinton in the presidential election. We were appalled at the
numerous inappropriate statements and actions by Trump, and while we both
agreed that Hillary had flaws, she also had plans for strong policies that we
agreed with – that helped those less fortunate – and she had years of
experience to make this happen, and certainly that she knew what she was
talking about. But that is behind us now. Trump was elected because of the way
our electoral college system works, but not because of the overall popular
vote. This is important because it means that millions of people oppose his
views. Today’s movement, though, is not against his presidency, but to be clear
that there is no mandate on hate and oppression and discrimination.
Today people around the world marched in solidarity and
support for our rights. It was officially called the Women’s March, but it was
bigger than that. I want to share my thoughts about it with you for many
reasons, but there is a selfish part of this letter in that it lets me process
my own feelings about it all as I share it with you. Today I scrolled through
my Facebook newsfeed (not sure Facebook or newsfeeds will still exist when you
read this, but I’m sure you can look it up) to see images and video from around
the world of people coming together, not so much in protest, but in celebration
of humanity and in support of diversity, and my heart swelled with love for my
country. You and I did not join in the marches today. You see, as a seven month
old, you are in much better spirits when you can eat, sleep, and poop in your
usual routine. And while we shake that up at times for various activities, I
admit I was nervous about finding a place along the march to change your
diaper. Seriously, that was a major limiting factor. But I spent the day
checking in on the marches via the internet, and hoping that my support would
somehow come through. While you nursed, for example, I used my available hand
to check in and be sure all was well and that the marches were successful. Part
of what people shared from the marches were the reasons they marched, and so
despite the lack of physical attendance, I want to note my own reasons for
marching in spirit. And I hope you will someday continue this movement (as I’m
sure there will always be more work to do) and embrace these values, too.
My first reason is not about women, but about race. I
believe with every fiber of my being that black lives matter. I will not be
silent when others retort that “all lives matter” because, sure, of course,
those are nice words, but that is not what is playing out in our country in
actions on a daily basis. Pay attention to actions, Barton, not words. When
Donald Trump said in his inauguration speech, “At the center of this movement
is a crucial conviction: that a nation exists to serve its citizens” my first
concern was about how Trump supporters define “citizens” because assumptions
about people’s worth based on the color of their skin seem all too pervasive.
You can use words about inclusion, but if actions don’t follow, the words mean
nothing. Instead it seems that when people say “all lives matter” they mean
“all lives that don’t frighten me based on how they look or what I assume they
believe.” So Barton, we must say it loudly and clearly – Black Lives Matter!
The next reason is for religious freedom, which includes
those who do not practice religion at all. Barton, you know that your parents
were raised in Jewish and Catholic faiths, so you already understand diversity
of beliefs and the lack of an absolute truth in this realm. Assumptions about
“Godless people” run rampant in various communities, and Trump has proposed the
idea of a registry of all Muslims (in his words to protect us from terrorism,
as if ordinary Muslims are all potential terrorists – in case I’m not clear
yet, they are not). No one should be targeted for their belief system or their
lack of a belief system. Your great-grandparents were Holocaust survivors, and
I wish you (and I, for that matter) had been able to meet them and hear their
stories. Instead we hear their stories passed on through your dad and the rest
of his family. My least favorite subject in school was always history. It bored
me, and I wasn’t very good at memorizing seemingly mundane facts, like the
specific dates of an event, such as the Pearl Harbor attack (December 7,
1941…ok, I actually do remember that one). But history is so important because
it allows us to see how things occurred in the past in order to (hopefully) not
repeat the mistakes of prior generations. We teach the events in the Holocaust,
and your dad and I share the stories of your great-grandparents, so that we can
recognize the recurrence of similar actions and stop them. We need to do better
at teaching more of our own American history, even (and especially) when it
makes our country look bad, so that we do not repeat mistakes like our
treatment of Natives or of Japanese-Americans during WWII.
Which leads me to the next reason: immigrants. Many people
who support anti-immigration actions that Trump proposed, such as building a
giant wall between the US and Mexico, believe that job loss in our country can
be at least partially explained by immigrants who have taken our jobs. Job loss
is complex, and this idea is just a ridiculous scare tactic. Your dad took a
pro-bono case once to help an undocumented immigrant obtain a U Visa (a special
visa for victims of crimes who cooperate with law enforcement to prosecute
those crimes). He told me stories of this man and his family and their friends,
many of whom were also immigrants. They enter our country for a variety of
reasons, most of them unpleasant and/or inhumane. And once they are here, they
are so thankful for what the US has to offer, they become some of the most
patriotic members of our society. Obviously, I cannot speak for every single
immigrant, but we cannot let the mistakes of some lead to assumptions about
all. Plus, we are descendants of immigrants ourselves, as are most Americans at
some point in their history. Our friends and people we love are immigrants. We
are the same!
And so are women. Yes, obviously I would have women’s rights
on my list of reasons I march in spirit with the Women’s March. Let me start by
saying that this is multi-faceted. Some people mean reproductive rights,
specifically access to abortion, when they talk about women’s rights. Some
people mean equality in the workplace. Some people mean protection from sexual
assault and harassment. Some mean equality in much broader ways. I mean it all.
When people say they are pro-life/anti-abortion, I would expect to see them
working to help others avoid unwanted pregnancies, such as providing easy
access to birth control through organizations like Planned Parenthood. But I
don’t. I would expect to see them fighting for CHIP (the children’s health
insurance program that Republicans in Congress recently voted against). But I
don’t. So I will. And Barton, I hope you will. The Affordable Care Act, which
Trump is working hard to eliminate, requires employers to provide unpaid breaks
for breastfeeding mothers to pump breast milk during the work day. This sort of
legislation is needed for equality to exist – because we must address our different
needs to truly be equal. We need something as simple as a movement to change
the language in everyday life so that the leader of our nation does not excuse
blatantly oppressive statements about the ability to grab a woman’s genitals as
“locker room talk” but instead points out that language perpetuates violence
against women by normalizing the perception of women as property. Excusing
small offenses normalizes the culture to allow for the big offenses, and none
of it is ok. I hope by the time you read this letter, Barton, that you have
learned this from me and your dad in action. I could go on and on about the
minutiae of our fight for women in this country. This is just a handful of the
things we need our government to step up and support in order to inch toward
equality for women.
LGBTQ rights. We cannot allow recent progress to be undone.
Marriage equality was just one part of the fight for equality throughout
domains of life for people born with different sexual orientations. While I’ve
tried to be vocal and active in this fight for many years (a counter-protest to
a Fred Phelps Westboro Baptist Church protest in Nashville during college was
my first protest), trans rights are a new fight for me. We must accept people
for who they are, not how we expect them to be because of the genitalia they
had at birth. And we must not allow people to make excuses for intolerance and
hate by creating false fears of sexual deviance or molestation.
Support for and trust in science. I have no idea if you will
think it is cool that both of your parents have PhDs or horrible because you
don’t want to feel pressured to follow in our footsteps. I hope you know there
are no expectations that you also become a scientist, but I’m sure you will
understand that this issue is an obvious one for me. But it’s not just a
selfish plea for the government to continue to fund my research. The private
sector invests in research that can lead to quick monetary benefit, but there
is much research that we benefit from as a society that will not result in that
sort of gain, and thus would not occur without government support. Further, the
risk of manipulated results of industry-funded research when there is a clear
monetary interest in an outcome is another reason it is so important to have
non-biased funding agencies for research. But beyond funding, the new executive
branch is dangerously anti-science with regard to its trust for scientific
findings. When the overwhelming majority of evidence supports the existence of
climate change, the government needs to listen. When the overwhelming majority
of evidence supports the safety and huge societal benefit of vaccines, the
government must help calm the fears to keep up our herd immunity.
Access to good education. The aforementioned need for
history lessons so that we do not repeat our mistakes is one aspect of why this
is so important, but it is also important to help level the playing field for
those who are born into less fortunate situations – not just academic
education, but extracurricular programming in conjunction with strong public
schools to support the growth of the whole person. You are seven months old
right now and already have a 529 education investment fund. Most babies in our country don’t. That is a
privilege, and you must remember that other people’s paths in life are rougher.
We need to help them because when our least privileged members of society can
succeed, we all benefit. It can be frustrating when they are portrayed as lazy
and “taking handouts” but that is not generally true of those struggling
financially.
I know there are more reasons, but I think the other aspect
of this movement that started after Trump’s election that really moves me is
less political and more emotional. It’s what makes me teary (the happy kind) when
I see thousands and thousands of people at marches around the world. It’s that
the overarching goal that most of these marchers share is kindness and love
toward others. There is anger, of course, and the anger is important. A friend
recently shared this quote, “I think from now on, I will not trust anyone who
isn’t angry.” –Joanna Russ, “How to Suppress Women’s Writing.” Anger is normal
and is what drives this movement forward. But the anger comes from the lack of
recognition and kindness evidenced by the most vocal Trump supporters and often
by Trump himself. Underneath that anger is love.
And let me also make another note about anger. There are
times in a movement when anger will be directed within our group because of
past (and at times continued) silence and complacency. That is an important
part of this, but we must use the love and kindness aspect of this to get
through. A different friend posted this a few days ago, “Interesting, well to
me it is. So many thugs, I mean protestors, marchers whatever coming out in
support of women and whoever else but but but where were all your fb posts and
show up of support for the BLM protests?”
At first, I felt an urge to defend the positive intent of a sudden
motivation to take action in light of Trump’s election and inauguration, but in
truth, although I agreed with the message of the Black Lives Matter protests
and wrote occasional posts in support, I never joined them or loudly honored
them anywhere. I must acknowledge those who have been fighting to be heard for
much longer than I have. For many of us, Trump’s election was a tipping point
where the fear became real enough and disturbing enough to take action, but why
weren’t we taking action before? The fear of others has been just as real all
along. So yes, I get uncomfortable when I am correctly called out on my silence,
but that discomfort stems from the fact that I DO support causes like BLM, and
it feels bad to realize that I was wrong to sit idly by in the safety of my
home silent. The discomfort is because I WANT to show kindness, but I don’t
always do it when or how I should. I have lived with privilege throughout my
life – based on my race, my economic status, my educational attainment, etc.
This allows me to remain silent whenever it’s inconvenient to speak up. And so
I want to make a change by wearing my kindness in a more obvious way and
speaking up for those with less privilege whenever I can. I hope, Barton, that
by the time you read this letter, those words will be read with a nod and the
memories of your mom taking actions to follow through on this. I look forward
to the time in the future when I am not thinking about dirty diapers and can
join where I am needed to make my voice heard in support of others and these
needs we all share. And I hope, Barton, that by the time you read this, you
will be doing the same.
Love,
Your momma.
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