Office Space

My office has no windows, so much of the time I work with my door open to the hallway to prevent going insane from lack of natural light. (There's a window in the hallway across from my door.) Most of the time this is fine, but I occasionally close it when the psychiatry patients from down the hall get a little crazy (literally). I also close it when I've gotten a few too many "lost" people who seem to think that I am the information desk. My office is on the 2nd floor, so it's not like I'm right by the main entrance or anything. But I do work in an incredibly confusing building, where the 1st floor is the only one that really connects all the way around. So many people come up to the 2nd floor only to realize that they have to go back down to the 1st floor, down the hall, then up again to the 2nd floor on the other side of the building. It's confusing. I admit it.

But the truth is - I'm not the information desk. Additionally, other than being able to interpret the locations of room numbers, I do not know enough of the enormous building to give any info about the whereabouts of anything that I do not have personal interaction with. So this brings to me today's visitors...

Man #1: Excuse me, do you know where the laboratory is?

Me: Um, what laboratory?

Man #1: Um...the laboratory?

Me: Um, a psychiatry lab? A research lab? The lab to have blood drawn?

Man #1: Um, pathology?

Me: Yeah, um, you're on a psychiatry floor...I have no idea where pathology is.

Seriously, dude? You're gonna come into a random floor of a building called "Center for Health Sciences" and ask for the "laboratory" and expect to get where you need to be? There are a billion laboratories in this building!

Later...

2 young adults: Excuse me, could you help us? We're lost. We're looking for the nurses station.

Me: Which nurses station?

Them: Um, the nurses station? On the 2nd floor?

Me: Yeah, the 2nd floor is pretty big... Is it a psychiatry nurses station? There are 2 of them down this hall. But if it's not psychiatry, it could be in the other part of the building...

Them: We were just told to go to the 2nd floor and to the nurses station...

They proceed to hand me a card with directions to said nurses station. A card of directions that they have clearly ignored.

Me: Yeah, so, see here where it says you have to go to the 1st floor and take the O elevators to the 2nd floor? You didn't do that...

Them: No, but we went to the 2nd floor.

Me: No...that's why they made these directions really specific - specifying the O elevators... There are lots and lots of nurses stations in this building, but if you go to the O elevators, that should help. Go down to the 1st floor, then all the way down the hall to the O elevators, then take those up to the 2nd floor, and you should be set.

Male half of the duo: Or we could just go around...right?

Me: No, this floor of the building doesn't connect throughout. It's weird. Just follow the directions on the card.

Female: Ok.

Male (walking away and talking to female): Let's go this way, we can just go around. I know how to get there...

Seriously? Um, you clearly didn't know how to get there or else you wouldn't be asking me for help. Just follow the directions on the card!!

And then I shut my door.

Upholstery

I have had a hand-me-down chair and ottoman since I graduated college that I love - but not for looks. It rocks. Literally, like a rocking chair, but not. It's a regular armchair, but on a base that lets it spin and rock. I love it. But it was in a fabric that was old and faded and honestly just ugly. Sort of a salmon-color plaid.

So last April, I found a fabric that I liked and started making the plans to have it reupholstered. Almost 3 weeks ago, they came to pick it up and said it would take a couple of weeks. This was after a couple of months (months!) of calling and leaving messages in order to schedule the pick-up. Do people not need work anymore that they can just ignore someone calling and begging for their business? I called a couple of places for this reason - and no one was calling me back.

Anyway, these guys had great reviews on Yelp - all 4s and 5s, nothing lower. So I went with it. They picked it up, and then called to let me know that they would drop it off today. So he comes, and he's rolling it toward the front door of my apartment building, and it looks yellow. Maybe that's just tinted plastic wrap it's in? Uh, no, it's in clear plastic...it's been upholstered in BRIGHT yellow fabric. Not the woven black and white that I picked out. "uh, um...that's not my fabric. I gave you black and white fabric." "uh, um, really? uh...oh, black and white woven together...right...uh..." The "oh-shit" look on his face was actually I think more related to the fact that he had used someone else's fabric on my chair than the fact that he did not have mine done correctly. He said that he had the fabric and knew what it was and there had been some mix up with fabric bolts. He would have it done first thing - asap...whatever that means.

If he had used my fabric on something else, I would be pissed. At least for now it's just a slight delay in getting my chair back. Cross your fingers that it all works out in the end!

Mixing what makes me happy

For years and years of my adult life, I was stumped about how my mom could create amazing meals out of what seemed like random things in the pantry. I mean, sure, for special occasions she'd get out some cookbook and follow a recipe, but on a day-to-day basis, it was either a standby meal that she made frequently or a new creation of odds and ends we had in the pantry. When I began making my own meals, I could never figure out how she always ended up with these great things on hand. My method was basically going to the store with exact ingredients in mind for a particular meal or meals. I'd usually throw in some of those things that never go bad, like frozen corn, to have in an emergency situation where I didn't have time to go to the store. This style was great when I lived in Oregon, with a small grocery in my backyard. What sounded good for dinner? Ok, now off to buy those food items.

So years later, I think I might have figured it out. Tonight, I made one of the best curries I have ever made. I often have coconut milk and red curry paste on hand because, well, they don't go bad, and I then I just have to go buy the veggies to go in it. I got my CSA box yesterday (my 3rd box since starting, and this one was by far the best - it's like they read my mind about what fruits and vegetables I like), and so I thought, "maybe I'll just throw some veggies into a curry." However, my curries usually have more "Asian" style veggies in them. You know, since I usually buy them with the specific intention to make a curry. Anyway, these were definitely not typical curry vegetables, but I just thought, "eh, whatever. I like these vegetables, and I like curry, so it could work."

BINGO. That's what I've been messing up this whole time. I keep trying to create meals that "make sense" in some organized way. I overthink what goes together and what matches or doesn't match instead of just thinking about what I like and throwing it all together. I'm not positive this was my mom's method, but I am thinking that it works. So I made this curry tonight. Yellow patty pan squash, green beans, red onion, orange bell pepper, coconut milk, red curry paste, fish sauce, tumeric, garlic powder, ginger, dash of cinnamon. Some of those last spices started to get random, but it was awesome. Seriously one of the best curries that I've made. I'm not 100% sold on the green beans in a curry, but it was still good.

So I started thinking about this and my overthinking problem (yeah yeah, I was thinking about thinking... There is a word for that, you know, so I'm not the only one!). And my perfectionism. I want everything to be just right, and I think that's part of my problem. I was talking about this with my mom regarding interior decorating. I was getting frustrated with the fact that my apartment looks great, yet not amazing. I feel as though it's still boring in some way. It's the same problem. Everything in my apartment is meant to "go" with a particular aesthetic. It's an aesthetic that I love, but the overall effect is a little too "matchy" and not enough personality. So my mom and I had decided that from here on out - I will just get things that I like, regardless of how it "goes" with my current decor. First step in that direction was the purchase of this Florence & The Machine concert poster, which I love. I actually am really happy with how it is going to work with the rest of my office, too. (My newly reupholstered chair and ottoman should be finished sometime next week!)

Tonight I spent the evening writing a grant proposal. A Friday night. And I loved every minute of it. I don't care what I "should" be doing with my Friday night - being social, getting a drink somewhere, at least doing something leisurely like watch a movie. But the grant writing is fun to me (please no nerd comments...), so I don't care.

One last way I'm incorporating this mentality of "if I like it, do it" into my life is applying for a fellowship in Germany for next year. Some people have been like, "whoa, are you sure?" And I am. Is it the perfect next step in some grand planned out and orchestrated career? Nope. But the grand and orchestrated career plan hasn't been making me completely happy. Parts of it have, for sure. (I edited a grant proposal at the pool today - not a lot of other jobs have that flexibility...) But I'm just sick of plans and zeitgeists that I have to follow.

So if you see me walking around with totally mismatched clothes anytime soon - just know it's cause I really liked that shirt AND I really liked those pants and somehow decided they should go together just because I said so. Ok...maybe there are some limits...

Update?

It's been brought to my attention that I have not written here in months. The last post included more countdowns, but I actually only have 1 countdown left! Nothing has been added! So to date, it's 24 days until I leave for Mt. Hood, Oregon to attend my friend Krista's wedding. And that's it! Hmm, I should come up with something to countdown toward... I'll think on it. UPDATE: I added 2 countdown widgets today. My friend Seth is visiting in 31 days, and my sister Kate is visiting in 85 days!

In the meantime, I've been trying to go through things that I have in my house that I don't really need - those things that sit on shelves, in drawers, or closets. I always think that I'll do this during moves, but then it's easier to just throw it in a box and move it along. So I currently have 21 books for sale on half.com. I have no faith that they will sell, so if anyone wants any of them, let me know. I'll send them to you! And after a month or so, I'll probably take them to Goodwill or something. Here's what I'm selling: http://shops.half.ebay.com/lucyb2222_W0QQmZbooksQQ_trksidZp2919

I also have a vacuum that I'm getting rid of. It's this one: http://www.amazon.com/Dirt-Devil-83410-Swift-Stick/dp/tech-data/B000BPAIHY It will probably go to Goodwill, too. I bought a heavy-duty pet-hair sucker vacuum recently that is amazing, so this little guy no longer has a purpose...

And with that excitement, I end the latest blog update in months. Perhaps now you know why I haven't written anything yet. ;)

New countdowns

As things fall off the countdown list, new ones pile on. I love countdowns...

• 2 days til Kristen and Andrew's visit!
• 11 days til the Rittman baby is due and I get a local baby playmate!
• 18 days til I leave for Montreal for a training workshop
• 24 days til I leave Montreal for Quebec City for a conference
• 35 days til I take the California licensing exam
• 45 days til Hilton Head vacation
• 94 days til Krista's wedding in Mt. Hood
• 95 days til I turn 30!

Social Services

If you read this blog regularly (wait, that would require me posting regularly...so maybe I mean if you've read some of the other posts...), then you know a bit about my political leanings. I prep you with that before I start this one.

I rode the bus today, as I do everyday, to and from work. This morning, I noticed that the front seats were all vacant, and the back of the bus was full. I've seen this pattern before, and the reason is always the same. Smelly homeless people. Indeed, there was a man in the very front seat, behind the driver, who smelled disgusting. I sat as far away as I could, but I was still the nearest person to him. He was older, wearing visibly dirty clothes (but fairly new Vans), his fingernails needed clipping badly and were filled with dirt underneath. He carried only a single clear plastic bag that read "Patient Belongings" and still had a hospital bracelet around his wrist. The plastic bag of belongings had just 5 things in it: 3 bottles of prescription pills and 2 pieces of candy. He very politely asked me if I had a quarter. Since I use a bus pass and rarely use cash in general, I did not and told him so. He struggled at one point to open his 3 pill bottles (child proof can also be adult proof in some situations). One lid went flying across the bus, and I picked it up to return it to him. He thanked me, and other people looked at me as if I was crazy to touch something the smelly man had touched. We both got off at the same stop, in front of UCLA Medical Center.

Fast forward to the end of the day, I got on the bus, and the same man was on my return bus. He still smelled. He was still wearing the same stained clothes, and he still carried the same clear plastic bag with medications inside. I have no idea what he had done in Westwood for the day, but none of it seemed to involve anything to improve his current state. He was recently in a hospital, yet it seemed no one helped hook him up with any outside help.

Here's where my political leanings become important. I so desperately wanted to help this man. His mind was clearly not all there based on the way in which he presented himself on the bus - polite, but not fully aware of everything. What it felt like to me was a case of mental illness that left him unable to work, which led to homelessness and an inability to take care of himself on a day to day basis. I wanted to be able to say "hey, let me call someone for you -someone who can take you somewhere to get cleaned up and maybe a home to take care of you since you can't quite make it on your own." But there is no one to call. Nowhere to go.

I do not believe that this should be his destiny because of an inability to care for himself. Sure, there are some people who play more of a part in their current situation - failed to maintain a job because of delinquency, for example. But this was definitely a case of mental illness. And I was so frustrated that there was nowhere I could send him to get help. Why is there no help? Cause we're the land of pulling yourself up by your bootstraps. But that assumes you have bootstraps to begin with. If you don't, well, then, tough shit. No one will want to help you because you stink (literally), and you'll go suffering through life until you just finally die. God bless America, indeed.

(More positive side note: this man on the bus reminded me of a program in Eugene, Oregon through White Bird Clinic where the homeless can get a variety of health care treatments, including mental health care and medication. They also take donations to distribute to the homeless. I believe they allow access to facilities for people to clean up, too, which is vital for them to ever get their lives turned around. I have to hope LA has something like this, but I don't know of it. If it exists, I'm sure they're overrun and probably turning people away. We need to do more...)

Theory of Mind

I've encountered a few people today with very poor theory of mind (aka: perspective-taking), and just felt like I had to write about it.

It started this morning, as I left my apartment. My driveway is blind. I have to look up the street a ways and then time it so that I pull out without any cars in my way. This morning, despite my timing, I pulled out in front of a tiny Mercedes sports car. I hadn't seen it, probably because it was so tiny. I'm also sort of supposing that maybe it turned onto the street between my area of sight and the driveway because I hadn't seen it coming down the street earlier, as I waited. So I pull out of my driveway in front of this car. It honks at me, which I think it totally appropriate. I made a mistake. The mistake was due to the blind drive, but it was still a mistake and could have resulted in an accident. I deserve to be honked at. He sped up next to me to flip me the bird. A little, excessive, in my opinion, but ok. He's shaken up and stressed and wants to take it out on me. Totally fine. Bird accepted. I returned his hate glare with an "I'm sorry, I fucked up" look. Didn't matter. Because, I've already left something out. He didn't just honk at me. He laid on his horn for 3 whole blocks. Just blaring his horn continually. No more danger anywhere. He's just expressing his anger at me, as if I did it on purpose. He (while still blaring his horn) then speeds up more and cuts me off intentionally. Oh, that's good. I scared you into being worried about an accident, so now you're gonna do it back. That's mature. Again, still blaring his horn. He stopped blaring the horn as we turned the corner, but he kept glaring.

Why does that relate to poor perspective taking? Well, if he was good at perspective taking, he would realize it was a mistake and that I was probably just as shaken as he was and realized that laying on his horn was actually making me more distracted and unable to focus on driving. Horn and bird, appropriate. The rest of it, completely uncalled for. (In all honesty, for someone pulling in front of me from a blind drive, I would never flip someone off because that is clearly a case of "they didn't see me - that was a total mistake." The woman yesterday who held up a line of traffic while she waited for a family to load their car with groceries, get everyone strapped into seat belts, start the car, and get out of the parking spot - yes, she deserved the bird, although I didn't give it.)

So instance number two of the day. At the dog park. A woman and her dog came in. The dog was clearly a little fearful, and the woman was echoing this fear. This is never a good combo. Apparently the dog had been bitten before, so she was trying to socialize her, but her own fear was clearly going to get in the way. So my very sweet and gentle dog went up to "say hi" in her dog way. Smelled her a little on her face, which the dog was fine with. Then went to smell the back end, you know, as dog's do. The dog was not ok with this, which is fine, but the dog got excitable and snappy, which made Ava think the dog wanted to play. So she did an excited play bow with a wagging tail, which in universal dog language is non-threatening, but to a frightened dog can still be scary. Here is where a dog owner who has theory of mind for the dogs would come in and try to help alleviate her dog's fear and help her relearn that this is safe behavior. Instead, this woman who has no theory of mind or ability to read dog behavior echoed her dog's fear and got protective, trying to step in between her dog and Ava. Then Ava got really riled up (but in a totally playful way) and started her "play with me" bark. Yes, she has "play with me" bark, and it sounds different and is coupled with her play bow and wagging tail. I wouldn't expect a stranger to know it by tone, but the play bow and wagging tail make it pretty obvious. Pretty simple, really. As soon as the bark happened, the woman put her leash on her dog and pushed Ava away and said, "ENOUGH, GO AWAY." I tried to explain that Ava was playing and pointed out her wagging tail, and the woman said in an angry tone of voice "my dog has been bitten before. This is NOT ok." She stormed off so quickly I couldn't even share my own dog attack story to try to alleviate her fears and show that dogs can be ok after attacks.

Seriously, lady. Why would you bring your dog to a dog park if you're not ok with normal dog behavior? Your dog is going to always be scared of dogs if you keep reinforcing fear of normal dog play. As the owner of a dog who has been attacked before, I completely understand some fear, and I'm always on guard in dog parks and very aware of other dog's behavior. But I also didn't want her to become a scared dog because honestly, scared dogs are dogs that end up attacking others (in defensive mode). I truly wonder what she was expecting to happen at a dog park if normal dog play is too much for her? Maybe she'll take some dog socialization classes aimed at helping dogs be around other dogs. But likely, she'll continue to be an over-protective owner who thinks everyone else's dog is out to get her.